Dr Strangelust
by MidniteMarauder
Summary: or How Remus Learned to Stop Worrying and Love to Wank Thirteen year old Remus discovers that his education has been sorely lacking. oneshot


**Author's Notes:** This story contains what can be construed as sexual situations although there are no sexual or romantic relationships involved. Please take this warning into consideration before reading! While this story was not written as slash per se, you are always encouraged to read it as pre-slash if you wish. :) Additional warnings for some crude teenage boy language. It is rated R for a reason. Please respect that and click the X in the upper right hand corner if this is not your cup of tea.

Set towards the end of Second Year, Marauder Era, and though it is a stand-alone one-shot story, it takes place a few months after "The Application of Logic (to an Illogical Situation)" in the timeline. Title is obviously and shamelessly plagiarized. If you've made it through my copious notes and still wish to read, enjoy:)

Thanks once again to my beta, Kyrie!

**ETA:** Reuploaded on 10/8/07 to fix a few errors that had been bothering me for a while.

* * *

Remus rubbed his eyes in irritation, pulled his blanket further up over his ears, and buried his face in the pillow. His entire body was refusing to cooperate with his burning desire for sleep, and his roommates weren't helping the matter. 

There it was again: a rather strangled moaning coming from somewhere beyond his closed bedcurtains. He flipped over onto his back and sighed. Peter had finally stopped snoring, and Remus had been on the edge of drifting off to sleep when this new noise started up, yet again preventing him from slumber.

Even after nearly two years of sharing a dormitory with three other boys – loud, rambunctious, snoring, snorting, farting boys no less – he still had trouble falling asleep, especially the nights leading up to the full moon, like tonight. Once again he vowed to research some silencing spells. The Insonitus charm his parents had taught him – the one they used at home when outside noises kept him awake – worked on solid surfaces, like doors, walls and windows but apparently had no effect on bedcurtains and draperies. He'd researched the Tacitus charm and thought that might work, but it was an O.W.L. level charm. The wand movement was rather complex, and the book's description wasn't very helpful. He'd have to ask Professor Flitwick about it after their next Charms class.

There it was again. Bugger! The moaning was driving him mad. He reached over and parted the drapes trying to figure out its point of origin. _Oh, that's just perfect. When I actually _want _to hear it, it stops._ Or maybe not…. He pricked up his ears. _There… Is that… someone breathing heavy?_ He furrowed his brow and frowned. It wasn't any of the usual sleep noises he had come to associate with his friends. It sounded more like someone was in pain. A nightmare, perhaps?

He pushed the covers down and sat up, parting the curtains again and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. If there was one thing Remus Lupin was familiar with, it was pain and nightmares. He'd had occasion to suffer from both over the past seven years. Whatever it was, it was definitely coming from the bed just next to him. Sirius' bed.

"Sirius?" he breathed, his whisper barely audible. "You all right in there?"

No reply. The moaning and heavy breathing came again in conjunction, a bit louder, only to be smothered a moment later. He could hear faint rustling sounds, and he raised his eyebrows in confusion and concern.

"Sirius," he whispered again, this time a bit louder, glancing towards the other occupied beds, mindful of not waking them as well. It was bad enough that he was unable to fall asleep. No reason to rouse everyone else, especially since James had a match tomorrow.

When he failed to get a reply the second time, he reached out to part Sirius' bedcurtains. In the faint moonlight from the window, he could see Sirius sprawled face-up on top of his covers, his white pillow appearing almost ghostly as it covered his head. His left arm curled over the pillow, hand grasping the top to hold it in place. _That's odd_, Remus thought to himself, and reached out to pull it away from Sirius' face when he happened to glance further down.

Sirius' left hand may have been holding his pillow, but his right hand…Merlin! His right hand was down the front of his pyjama bottoms, and it was _moving_! His jaw dropped open and he simply stared, his arm outstretched and frozen halfway across the gap between them.

Unable to tear his eyes away, he watched with something akin to horrified awe, as he realized Sirius was now pushing down those very same pyjama bottoms, exposing himself. He hadn't even noticed the left hand leave the pillow, but suddenly there it was, and it was holding… _Is that a sock_?

Realizing he still held his arm outstretched, he dropped it slowly to his side, his jaw hanging slack. Sirius had just placed the sock over the head of his penis with his left hand – the same penis that was being squeezed and stretched by the right hand. Sirius moaned again, and Remus gasped, turning his head sharply, his gaze suddenly drawn to Sirius' face. The pillow Sirius had been using to muffle himself had slid off – probably when he'd gone for the sock. Sirius' eyes _had_ been closed, but now they sprang open wide. Their eyes locked, and he heard Sirius breathe out "Remus!" before he squeezed his eyes shut – his entire face scrunching up in what looked, to Remus, like agony. Then he let out a long, low moan while his body convulsed.

After a moment, Sirius stilled. He was breathing a bit heavily, but his body had relaxed, and his hand had released its death grip below. Remus swallowed, suddenly nervous and embarrassed. The silence was almost deafening.

"Are you going to stand there gawking at me all night then?"

Remus jumped back in surprise, letting out a soft cry. His face was flushed red with heat, and he stuttered a reply. "I – I th-thought… I thought… I was just… Oh, Merlin, I'm…"

Sirius sat up, a wide grin on his face. "Relax, Moony. S'ok. You caught me wanking is all. It's not _that_ shocking. We've both got the same bits, you know, and it's not like I've never walked around here starkers before."

"W-Wanking?" Remus asked, puzzled and ignoring the fact that Sirius' love of parading around naked tended to make him uncomfortable. "You looked as if you were being tortured to death."

"Tortured? I did? Hmmm… never looked at myself before, and I always close my eyes anyway. I'll have to try it in front of the mirror sometime," Sirius said thoughtfully.

"You mean you did that on purpose?" Remus' eyes were wide, eyebrows raised almost to his hairline.

"Of course I did. I was wank… Wait. You mean you've never wanked before?"

"Of course not! I go through enough pain every month, thank you. And why would you want to hurt yourself like that on purpose anyway?

Sirius couldn't help it. He laughed. Loudly.

Remus clamped his hand over Sirius' mouth as James rolled over in his sleep and snorted. Peter mumbled something unintelligible, thrashed around in his sheets for a moment and started snoring again.

"Oh, great. Now you've done it. He'll go on like that for hours now!" Remus hissed. Sirius was still shaking with now-silent laughter beneath the hand. "And what exactly is so funny?"

"Oh!" Sirius gasped, flinging himself backward onto his pillow and rolling around. "I'm– I'm–" He grabbed his pillow from beneath his head and practically stuffed it into his mouth. Remus waited impatiently, shuffling his feet, crossing his arms in front, and narrowing his eyes at the quivering pillow.

Sirius released the pillow slowly and took great gulps of air. "Sorry," he said, voice low and still a little shaky. "I'm not really laughing at you. Oh bugger, yes I am. I'm sorry Remus. It's just… You really don't know what wanking is, do you?"

"Obviously not," Remus huffed, eyes narrowed. "Though I've heard you and James calling each other a wanker more times that I can count. Thought it was just another one of your creative curses. And could you please put that…." he waved his hand towards Sirius' groin. "I can't talk to you if your bits are hanging out like that."

Sirius grinned, sitting up again and tucking himself back into his pyjamas. "Come on. Sit down already. I don't like you glaring down at me like that." He moved over to make room and jumped up abruptly. "Crap. Forgot about this." He picked up the sock and felt around on the covers, grunting a bit. "S'all right. Didn't leak." He stuffed the toe into the top of the sock and tossed it carelessly onto the floor behind his bed. He patted the covers. "C'mon. Sit."

Remus looked warily at the spot where the sock had been and sat down on the edge of the bed, feet still firmly on the floor, hands carefully folded in his lap. "Okay. I'm sitting. Now, what's wanking?"

"It's brilliant, is what it is. Haven't you ever gotten, you know…" he gestured toward his groin, "a stiffy before?"

Remus blushed and looked down at his hands. "Couplatimesmaybe," he mumbled.

"Remus. Look at me."

"I've already seen enough of you tonight, Sirius, thank you."

Sirius snorted. "Why are you so embarrassed about this? It's a natural thing with blokes. All blokes wank. We have to. Otherwise our cocks would explode. Well, really our bollocks would, I guess. Heh. Cocks and bollocks. It rhymes."

Remus' face had gone an even deeper shade of red, and he stared at his own groin in horror.

"Aw hell, Remus. C'mon. You really don't know any of this?"

Remus shook his head slowly back and forth.

"Okay. Well, you've had a hard-on before."

Remus nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

"Okay. Ever touched yourself when you had one?" Another nod. "Okay, now we're getting somewhere. What happened when you touched yourself?"

Remus looked up then. "Er… Nothing. Not really. I felt kind of weird in my stomach, and it hurt a little, but after a while it just went away and it… Well… it shrank again," he whispered.

"What shrank?" Sirius asked, a gleam of mischief in his eye. Remus rewarded him with a murderous look. "Uh uh. You have to say it. S'not a swear word, you know. It's part of your body, so how can a part of your body really be a swear word? Though I suppose it's not exactly proper if you called it a 'purple-headed custard chucker'."

"Sirius! That's disgusting!"

"I guess. Kinda funny, though. There's lots of names for it. Willy, cock, tool, knob, todger. Oh, and Andrew Collingsford said that Muggles call it a John Thomas. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I can't say any of those! Well, maybe John Thomas would be okay. That sounds like a bloke's name. Actually, it sounds quite stupid."

"Well, what would you call it, then?"

"Penis, I guess. That's what it was called in the anatomy book."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Only you would be all proper and read about it in a book. Didn't it tell you about all this stuff then?"

"It wasn't a– a _sex_ book! It was about the human body. Named all the parts."

"Ok, fine. We'll call it a penis. Ever had a wet dream?"

Seeing the confused look on Remus' face again, he elaborated. "It's when you wake up all sticky 'cause your co–, um, your penis wanked itself on its own while you were asleep."

Remus was blushing so hard he nearly glowed with the heat that radiated from his face.

"I'm guessing that's a yes."

Remus nodded. "I'm not supposed to have them," he whispered. "My grandmother said. She said I'd go blind, or worse, if I touched myself, and the palms of my hands would get hairy. And you know I already get that way once a month. I don't need another reason to… What?"

Sirius was giggling. Actually giggling, like a bloody girl. "Your grandmother told you _what_? When?"

"Shhh! Well, it was when I was staying with her for a week last summer while my parents were on holiday. She came in to wake me that morning, when it…and she pulled back the covers, I guess. Anyway, she saw. She told me to clean myself up, and over breakfast she told me about how it's a sin, though she supposed I couldn't help it in my sleep, but I should make an effort never to have dirty dreams."

Sirius was shaking with laughter, hand cupped across his mouth to stifle the sound. When he felt he could speak again he asked, "A sin?"

"Yeah. She's sort of religious, being a Muggle and all. Reads this book, the bible, and it's full of all these stories. She read me a few things from it, and one of them said something like 'If you sin with your right hand, you should cut it off otherwise you'll go to hell'. Then she told me about the blindness and hairy palms, but said that when I'm married, then I would be able to have sex, and it wouldn't be a sin anymore."

By this point, Sirius was laying facedown on the bed and had literally buried his face in his pillow. When he looked up at Remus, he had tears in his eyes and quickly threw his head down again to stifle the noise. Remus sat there for several minutes, fidgeting, while Sirius continued to laugh himself silly. When he finally came up for air, taking huge gasping breaths, he crawled over next to Remus and put his hand on his shoulder.

"Remus, mate, no offence to your grandmother or her bible, but, bloody hell, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. And considering some of the shite I've heard at home…. Look, Remus. Look at my hands. I've been wanking for months. Do I have any hair on my palms?"

Remus shook his head.

"Okay. Now, look. Even in the dark I can see you just fine, and you've seen me play Quidditch with you and James and Peter. Do you have any reason to think I'm going blind?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Maybe it's only Muggles who have that kind of problem, but I know that doesn't happen to wizards. My great uncle Alphard is 97 years old, and he says he _still_ wanks, though I don't really want to think about that. And his palms are just as hairy as mine are," he said, grinning. "Over Christmas, the sodding House Elf caught me wanking in the loo and ran right off to tell my father. Dear old dad gave me the 'talk' about sex. It was all about continuation of the bloodline and not fathering any bastard children until after I was properly married and had an heir. It was total bollocks, too. Uncle Alphard gave me the real talk afterwards. What about your dad? He's a sight better than my father. Didn't he talk to you about anything?"

"No. Just said if I ever have any questions, I should ask him, is all. You mean my grandmother was lying?"

"Well, I suppose she believes what she told you, so maybe she wasn't lying. But she's still wrong. Wanking's completely normal for blokes. Besides, she's a bird and everyone knows birds don't wank. They haven't got the right bits for it. Didn't you tell us she once thought magic was evil, too? You know _that's_ not true."

"I suppose."

"Look, Remus. I know I can be a prat and take the piss out of you about things sometimes, but wanking's an important subject. Right up there with food, pranking and Quidditch."

"Wow. The Big Three."

"If you don't believe me, ask James. Or Peter. Both of them wank, too. I caught James in the shower a few times, and Peter doesn't know that I heard him once when he was in the toilet. I like doing it at night because it helps me fall asleep."

"It helps you fall asleep?" Remus asked, suddenly more interested in the prospect.

"Yeah," Sirius said, yawning. "Listen. It's late, and I'm pretty knackered. But tomorrow's Saturday, so we've got all day to sort it out. Well, after the match anyway."

"O-kay…" Remus said slowly, still a little confused.

"G'night, Moony."

Remus wrinkled his nose at the nickname bestowed upon him by James a few months ago. He'd hated it at first, but it had started to grow on him lately – Not that he'd let on about that to the others. "Good night, Sirius. And I'm sorry about, er, interrupting you."

"S'all right."

Remus climbed back into bed and lay on his back, staring at the top of the canopy. His right hand was thrown back over his head, knuckles brushing up against the backboard, while his left hand rested idly on his chest. If he wasn't able to sleep earlier, there was no way he was going to be able to sleep now. He felt like a fool. He would never admit it, but it had hurt when Sirius had laughed at him. He knew his friend hadn't meant it maliciously, but it still rankled.

As he lay there thinking about his conversation with Sirius, his left hand wandered slowly down over his belly and came to rest when his thumb caught on the waistband of his pyjama pants. Peter let out a loud snort just then, and Remus sighed, staring down the length of his torso at his hand. Grunting, he jerked his hand away as though it had been burned, and turned over onto his stomach. It was definitely going to be a long night.

o...o

"Bastard! Give it here!" James shouted

"You _slept_ with your broom?" Sirius cackled. "Is that a new way of waking up with morning wood?"

"You sure you want to be touching it, Sirius?" Peter asked, laughing.

Throwing the broom back onto James' bed, Sirius made a face and exaggerated wiping his hands on his trousers. James glared at them both.

"Good point, Peter. Oi! Moony! You're awake!" Sirius exclaimed, hearing the wish of the curtains opening, and pounced on Remus' bed.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Thanks to you, yes."

Sirius ignored the sarcasm and gestured to the others to gather around. "Mates," he said, winking conspiratorially. "We have something very important that we have to do later."

"A prank?" Peter asked, excited.

"Er, no, but come to think of it, it's been a whole week since any of us have had a good detention." Remus raised his eyebrow. "Okay, since James or I have had detention. But this is even more important than pranking."

James gasped. "What could be more important than pranking? Well, besides Quidditch and food."

"Sirius!" Remus hissed, blushing profusely.

"It's okay, Moony. I told you I'd help you," Sirius said. "Stop being embarrassed. It's completely normal."

"What are you two talking about?" James asked impatiently. "I've got a match today, you know. What's more important than pranking?"

"Wanking." Sirius replied solemnly.

"Ahh!" James and Peter both nodded, though Peter's face was a bit pinker than usual.

"Moony! You've never—"

"Shhh! James!" Remus admonished, burying his head under his blankets.

"No one else is going to hear us – it's just us here anyway. Don't worry, mate. Sirius is an expert on the subject. He does it often enough," James teased, smacking Sirius on the shoulder and reaching down to pull the blanket off of Remus' head. "You're in good hands with us! Er…. I mean, oh, bugger! _Gah_! I didn't mean…."

Remus could have sworn that James' hair was turning a shade of red.

"Shit! Well, you'll have to use your own hands Remus, because I'm no ruddy shirtlifter, and– Er, sorry. I'll just go down to breakfast now. Match, you know." He grabbed his broom from where Sirius had thrown it on his bed and practically ran from the room.

The three boys exchanged glances and burst out laughing.

Sirius was rolling around on Remus' bed cackling. "Oh, this is too much. 'Here, James. You look like your having some trouble with that. Let me give you a hand!'" He howled with laughter.

"Good show, James!" Peter chimed in. "Let's give him a hand, mates!" He started clapping in jest and nearly fell over in his enthusiasm. Clearing his throat, he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Um, right, I'd better go after him. No telling what trouble he'll get into alone."

"Thanks, Pete. We'll be down in a few minutes," Remus said, grinning despite his initial embarrassment. "Sirius is a bit useless at the moment anyway." Sirius was still wriggling about, snorting with laughter.

Remus shook his head and got up, groping about for some clean clothes.

"Oh! Oh, that was brilliant!" Sirius snickered and rolled over to bury his face in Remus' pillow.

Glancing at his friend and seeing that he was suitably occupied, he dressed quickly and slipped on his shoes. "Get your shoes on," he said, nudging Sirius. "I'm going to clean my teeth. And please – find a _clean_ pair of socks to wear. Honestly, now I've seen what you get up to at night, I'm never touching your socks or your feet ever again."

o...o

The match was a close one, but Gryffindor lost to Ravenclaw by a disappointing score of 270 – 200. The mood in the common room was rather gloomy, and James sat in a chair in the corner, brooding and cursing under his breath.

"It was a good game. It's too bad Whitman took that bludger to the head. He almost had the snitch, too," Sirius said, patting him on the shoulder in a rather poor attempt to cheer up his friend.

"Rotten luck," Peter added. "But you were brilliant, mate! You scored eight goals."

"Fat lot of good that did," James retorted. "We _lost_ by eight goals. Sodding bludger. Stupid arse should have ducked."

"Wasn't your fault, you know," Remus said. "Peter's right. You played brilliant."

James went off on another cursing rampage, some of them quite colourful and inventive.

"Well, you're obviously in a foul mood," Sirius said, frowning. His face brightened. "Maybe a good wank'll help. We could go upstairs and give Moony that lesson now."

"Sirius–" Remus protested.

James paused in his litany and turned a pouting face to his friends. "I don't think I'm really in the mood. You do realize that we've no chance at the cup now, which means the Quidditch season is over for me."

"Sorry, James. It's okay. You don't have to worry about – you know," Remus added. "I'm fine. Really."

"Shut it, you. C'mon, James," Sirius snickered. "We could really use a _hand_ with this."

James blanched and glared at Sirius. "I'm going down to the kitchens. At least the House Elves like me, and _they'll_ care that my whole year has been ruined."

Peter snorted and glanced between the two boys. "I'll go with you, James. Could do with some of that pudding from last night's supper. I'm sure Sirius can _handle_ things here on his own."

James turned to glare at Peter.

"Er, right. We were just leaving. See you two later." Taking James by the arm, he steered him towards the portrait hole and out into the corridor.

"Coward. Selfish bugger, too. Well, then. It's just us. C'mon. Let's go upstairs anyway. I can't tell if Spencer is going to try to kill himself or not, but it's like a funeral in here," Sirius said, gesturing towards the Gryffindor Quidditch captain on the other side of the common room. Ian Spencer was repeatedly banging his head against a table, and judging from the red marks visible on his forehead, he'd been at it for a while. Without waiting for a reply, he dragged Remus towards the stairs.

"Now?" Remus asked, biting his lip as he stumbled up the stairs and into the dormitory. "We don't really have to do this."

"Would you rather have an audience?" Sirius asked, closing the door behind him and walking Remus over towards his bed. "We can always wait for Peter and James to come back."

"But…."

"But what?"

"But it's not – you know!" Remus whispered

"Not what?"

"I, I'm not…ready," he protested, gesturing helplessly towards crotch

"Well, you'll just have to stroke it a bit to get it hard then. That's easy. C'mon. I'll show you."

"Sirius! I'm not watching you again! I can't!"

"Well then how am I supposed to show you what to do? I'm not going to demonstrate on _your_ cock."

Remus looked horrified at the thought. "Couldn't you just, you know, tell me what to do and I'll try it out later when I'm alone? Or maybe you could write it down," he brightened. "That's a better idea."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Merlin's balls, Remus! If you're busy reading instructions, you won't be paying attention, and you need to concentrate. Now, take off your trousers and lay down on the bed. Wait– You need a sock."

"I'm not using one of my socks for that!"

"You can use one of mine, then."

"I'm not touching your socks!"

"Remus, it's gonna make a mess on your sheets," Sirius said and sighed. "Fine. I guess you can just clean yourself up after with a flannel or something. Unless you want to try it in the shower like James does."

"You're not coming into the shower with me!" Remus nearly shouted.

Sirius sighed again. "You really need to relax or this is never going to work. Take off your trousers."

Remus just stared at him.

"I won't look, all right?" Sirius shook his head and turned his back.

He stood there with his arms crossed, staring at Peter's unmade bed, tapping his toe on the floor until he heard the clink of Remus' buckle and the zip of his fly. Finally!

"You done yet?" Sirius asked, starting to turn back around.

"Don't look!"

Sirius sighed again. "C'mon Remus, it's not like I've never seen you getting undressed before. You can keep your shirt and your pants on if you want. Just get into your bed already, and stop being such a pansy."

Remus tossed his trousers over the front of his bed and climbed under the covers, pulling the curtains closed behind him. "F-Fine. I'm in bed. What now?"

Sirius turned around and rolled his eyes at the closed bed curtains. "You still need something to clean yourself off with after, since you won't use your sock."

"So, get me a flannel."

"If you want one, you can get up and get it yourself," Sirius said, smirking.

Remus was silent for a few minutes. "Fine. I'll use a bloody sock. You really are a git, you know that?"

"'Course I do," Sirius smiled and sat down on the floor next to the closed curtains. "You're a stubborn arse, yourself."

"M'not."

Sirius chuckled. "Moony, you're almost as stubborn as I am."

"No one's as stubborn as you are. Now tell me what I'm supposed to do already, because I'm feeling really stupid right now."

"You need to relax first. Think of something relaxing," Sirius said, leaning back against Remus' bed and undoing the flies on his own trousers. The bed curtains swayed ominously.

"Don't open the curtains," Remus warned.

"I'm not opening them. I'm sitting on the floor and making myself comfortable. S'that okay with you?"

"Oh. Okay then."

"Good. Are you relaxed yet?"

"I don't know. How am I supposed to know if I'm relaxed? It's not doing anything yet. It's just laying there all floppy," Remus replied, his voice sounding a bit panicked.

"Moony, if you don't calm down, I _am_ going to open these curtains. Your cock's not going to get up and start dancing; it's _supposed_ to just lie there. Now. Take your hand and wrap your fingers around it."

"Which hand?"

"Moony!"

"But– "

"The hand you write with, okay?" Sirius said, exasperated.

"Oh. Okay. Then what?"

Sirius reached down, pushing aside his pants, and grasped his own cock. "Just touch yourself. Squeeze it a little bit. Move your hand up and down. Not too fast. Slowly. Just get the feel of it," he said, his own hand mimicking his words. "Anything yet?"

"Er… well not really."

"Just keep stroking."

"I _am._ Oh!"

"That's yes, then. How does it feel?"

"Strange. What do I do now?"

"Just keep doing what you're doing and push the foreskin down. That's the bit of skin on the end. Close your eyes and think about someone you want to snog."

"Er, okay."

Sirius continued to stroke himself. He was already half hard when he closed his eyes and concentrated, feeling the blood rush towards his center.

"Uh, Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"How big is it supposed to get?"

Sirius clapped his hand over his mouth to stifle a snicker. This was Remus, not James. He was supposed to be helping him, and considering Remus was already nervous, teasing him would only defeat the purpose. He cleared his throat. "Well, all blokes are different sizes. Is it hard?"

"Yes. It's just…."

"Just what?"

"Sirius, it's almost twice the size it was five minutes ago. Is that normal?"

Sirius' eyes widened, and his hand paused in its ministrations. _Twice the size?_ He stared down at his own erection, measuring it with his fingers. It was definitely bigger when it was hard, but…. _Bugger – Remus must have a bloody huge cock! Lucky bastard!_

"Sirius?" There was a note of concern in Remus' voice.

"Yeah, Moony, s'normal. Just relax and concentrate on how it feels. Close your eyes again."

"Okay."

"Does it feel good?"

"Y-Yes," Remus whispered. "But it hurts a little, too. It's chafing a bit."

"Spit on your hand."

"What?"

"Spit on your hand, or lick your palm. It's better if it's a little wet. Then it won't rub so much."

"Oh. I'll try that. Er, there's some wet stuff coming out of the end."

"Yeah. That's normal. Rub it around a bit with your thumb," he instructed, doing just that himself. "That works better than spit if you have enough of it."

"That's better. Now what?"

"Now, you move your hand a little faster. Up and down. Keep doing what feels good." Sirius continued to mimic his words, and he watched his own hand, thinking about Remus doing the same thing right behind him. His breathing hitched and he panted, letting out a soft moan. "S'good, isn't it, Moony? Told you… s'brilliant."

"Uuunnnghh," was the reply that came from behind the curtains.

"You should put the sock over the tip soon. Just in case." He groped with his free hand and sat up abruptly. "Fuck!"

"What? What happened?" Remus spluttered.

"Nothing. I just – nothing." Sirius pulled off his shoe, tossing it aside with a loud thud, and nearly ripped the sock off his foot. "Keep going. Don't stop."

"Ahh. 'kay. Ohhhh!"

"That's it, Moony. Keep going… Little faster… Don't – don't stop, don't –" He heard Remus moan and let out a low cry. He gripped himself harder, covering the tip with the sock and continued stroking, harder, faster, once, twice… "Aaaaaahhhhhhh," he moaned as his body shook with the convulsions of his orgasm. He continued to stroke himself, easing off slowly, his head falling backward against the curtains until it hit the mattress with a soft thump. "You 'kay, Moony?"

There was no reply.

"Remus?"

"Holy fuck, Sirius!"

Sirius let out a weak bark of laughter, still wallowing in the aftereffects of his orgasm. "S'you liked it, eh?"

"Mmmhpphm."

"Told you. Can I open the bloody curtains now?"

"Er…Wait. Yeah. S'okay now."

Sirius tossed the soiled sock under his bed and kicked off his other shoe. Tucking himself back into his pants and adjusting his trousers, he crawled up onto Remus' bed, flopping down on his back next to the other boy.

"Did you…?" Remus asked, yawning.

"'Course. Didn't want me just listening t'you, did you?"

"Erm… no."

"S'ok. Heard you anyway," Sirius chuckled softly. "Liked it, eh?"

"Yeah. S'it always like that?"

"Yeah. So far, anyway."

"Ruined my fav'rite socks."

"Jus' one."

"Can't wear only one sock, git."

"House Elves'll wash 'em."

"Still not wearing 'em"

"Mhmm," Sirius yawned, stretching, and shifted onto his side facing Remus. "Use 'em next time, then. M'knackered."

"Me too. S'good," Remus yawned again and closed his eyes. "Sh'have a kip."

They lay quietly for a few moments. Sirius cracked one heavy eyelid and peered blearily at his friend. He knew Remus would be extremely embarrassed later, and probably act a bit silly over it, but he was too tired and sated at that moment to care. Besides, it had been kind of fun, wanking like that with another bloke. He supposed he should find that thought a bit disturbing, but Remus had seemed to like it well enough – once he got over his hesitation – and right now he looked pretty content.

Remus opened his eyes and smiled a bit crookedly, a faint blush still evident on his cheeks. "Thanks, Sirius."

Sirius grinned. "Was m'pleasure, Moony."


End file.
